Moments
by myinukoi
Summary: Eleven amusing oneshots depicting the humorous moments between our two favorite boys. Mainly SasuNaru and mildly others. Mentions of shounenai and het.
1. Of Dancing and Bathrooms

Title: Moments; Chapter 1

Author: myinukoi

Paring(s): SasuNaru

Warnings: Yaoi, sexual references...

Beta: Ariii.chan

_Summary: Sasuke comes out of the bathroom to find a pleasant surprise._

Disclaimer: Nope...

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C h a p t e r 1: _Of Dancing And Bathrooms

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_

Sasuke came out of the bathroom, using a small towel to dry his dark, wet locks.

_I wonder where Naruto is?_

After a long day of training, Sasuke and his boyfriend Naruto decided to wash up at the blond's place.

Sasuke walked into the kitchen, only to discover one of the most erotic things he had ever seen in his seventeen years of living.

Naruto was in the kitchen, bent over a steaming pot, wearing an apron, while slowly and languidly stirring a firm wooden spoon in a pot full of what one can presume to be ramen.

But no. This was not the _only_ sight that was tightening the Uchiha's pants. It was not the thought that the blond boy was holding onto the wooden spoon _oh-so_ suggestively, or that the steam that was rising from the heated broth and noodles was making his skin glisten, with a clear-coated sheen. Nor was it the fact that the Kyuubi vessel was wearing an apron (which was now a new turn-on for the Sharingan user).

It was the sight of the boy dancing. Yes, I repeat: _dancing_!

The boy's hips were swaying back and forth. His eyes were closed making him seem as though his mind was in an undiscovered utopia. The blond rocked back and forth to an invisible beat and hummed an unknown tune.

Yet unbeknownst to the poor unsuspecting blond, his obsidian predator was nearing him in careful, preplanned steps.

Goal: Ravish the blond into the next millennium.

Sasuke's arms slowly wrapped around the his waist and he uttered a groan as he pulled the Kyuubi's boys ass back to rub against his pants-restrained erection.

Sasuke sighed and bent down to whisper in Naruto's ear.

"Who knew my Naru-chan was such a provocative dancer? I want you, kitsune. Right. Now." he breathed and added a swift lick across the boy's neck for emphasis.

Naruto turned around to face the Uchiha heir, and smiled.

"Sasuke, I was waiting for you...," he said, looking the Uchiha right in the eye.

Sasuke smirked.

"...to get your ass out of the bathroom!" he screeched.

"Eh?"

"You took forever _just_ to take a shower! I need to go _right now_!"

Naruto handed the befuddled Uchiha the wooden spoon and gave him a quick peck on the cheek.

"If my ramen burns, you die," he whispered threateningly in the Uchiha's ear, and ran off for the

bathroom in a blur of orange.

Sasuke sighed and began to turn the ramen with the given spoon.

He would take care of his -cough- _little _problem after Naruto came out of the bathroom.

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A/N: Yeah...I bet we all dance and hum when we have to go. But of course we wish we looked like Naruto while doing it, eh? -wink wink; nudge nudge-

Please review.


	2. Disgusting!

Title: Moments; Chapter 2

Author: myinukoi

Paring(s): SasuNaru

Warnings: Yaoi, sexual references...

Summary: "Oh crap! It's the Chuunin Preliminaries all over again..."

Disclaimer: Not yet...

Beta: Ariii.chan

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C h a p t e r 2: _Disgusting! __

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_

Yosh! Sasuke and I are going to watch a horror movie tonight. Of course my brilliant mind came up with the idea.

We're gonna sit on the couch and share a bowl of popcorn. I'll put on my best 'uke' face and pretend I'm scared and Sasuke will let me sit on his lap. We'll then proceed to cuddle under a cozy blanket, and the innocent cuddling will turn into a very heated make-out session...and then hot, raunchy sex!

People don't realize what a genius I really am, y'know?

I guess it's the only way I can apologize to Sasuke for leaving him with that _painful_ hard-on the other day. I mean, I would have _taken care _of it for him but - damnit - he did take forever in the bathroom and he then tried to _seduce _me while I was eating my ramen.

And even though it is entirely _his_ fault, I still feel sorta, kinda, a_ little_ bit—guilty.

So I'll make it up to him!

-Time Skip _(Later that Night)_-

Oh shit! This is one of the most scary-assed movies I ever watched!

I glance to my left.

What the hell?!

Sasuke is sitting there watching the screen without a care in the world. He watches these things as though they are a natural occurrence. I mean, I know he's an Uchiha and all but --

I glance at the screen again and shudder.

"Sasuke!"

He glances at me.

"Hold me." I whisper. The blanket is covering half of my face and my feet are pulled up to my chest.

"What's the matter? Are ya-."

He leans in close, "-scared, dobe."

Hell yes!

"N-NO! I just want you to hold me. Is that so wrong of me to ask of my boyfriend!?"

He sighs, "fine. Hop on, Usuratonkachi."

I plop my bottom on his toned legs.

"You _better _let me sit on your lap..." I mutter darkly but inside I was glowing.

Yosh! Sasuke will protect me!

We watch the movie and as it rises to its climax I get scared. Even with Sasuke's arms around me in a protective grip, I can't help restrain the shudder that runs through me.

I take a quick glance at the screen.

Blood splatters everywhere and women scream. The fifty-foot tall swamp monster is roaring and thrashing buildings with mighty swipes. Zombies eat little children on their way to Sunday school. Old ladies were being maimed by pirates, while teenage girls were being chased by evil chainsaw-bearing circus clowns.

It was horrible. In an attempt to block everything out, I close my eyes, cover my ears, and clench down really hard----

Phfffffffffffffffffffffffttt!

Silence.

Oh crap! It's the Chuunin Preliminaries all over again...

I glance at Sasuke with an angry blush decorating my cheeks. He seems as stoic as ever as he watches the screen, seemingly unaware of what just occurred.

Maybe he didn't hear it, but soon enough he'll _smell _it.

And soon enough, as predicted, the rancid smell spreads across the room. Yet, Sasuke still holds onto me and the movie continues to play.

'Luck has already favored me tonight, so I'm not going to push it by attempting a kiss', I think as the credits begin to scroll down the screen.

As the movie comes to a complete end, Sasuke pushes me slightly to stand up. I remove the blanket from us to put it away and Sasuke empties and cleans the popcorn bowl.

It is all done in silence.

As I turn around to face Sasuke again, I find him staring at me...with _that_ look.

"What!" I loose my temper. I know _that_ look. It means I am about to be incredibly embarrassed. To which extent all depends on the next words that come out of the Uchiha's mouth.

"Naruto," he says slowly, "that was the most disgusting fart I have ever had the misfortune to sit through."

And with that he walks away towards the bedroom.

I stare blankly at the wall and then I blink.

It is decided! I, Uzumaki Naruto, will no longer give into my guilty conscience when it comes to the one and only Ultimate Teme, Uchiha Sasuke.

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A/N: That chapter was...awkward to write. Yet I enjoyed it all the same. I hope you did too! 


	3. I Like You

Title: Moments; Chapter 3

Author: myinukoi

Paring(s): SasuNaru

Warnings: Yaoi, sexual references...

_Summary: Sasuke attempts to confess his love for Naruto, but as we all know, anything involving the blond isn't easy..._

Disclaimer: Not yet...

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C h a p t e r 3:_ I Like You

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_

"Um...Naruto." Sasuke says timidly, avoiding eye contact with the blond, choosing instead to focus his attention to the now-seemingly interesting twig lying right next to the captivating rock.

"Yeah."

"Can we...y'know... talk?"

God, this is worse than I thought. I can't stop blushing! Dammit! Uchiha's don't blush!

"Sure...whatever." Naruto looks at me suspiciously. Can I blame him? I'm certainly not acting like myself...

We walk deep into the woods. I'm not even sure if we'll make it back without getting lost...Crap! We better stop now.

I grab his shoulders and spin him towards me. I look straight into his impossibly cerulean eyes. Kami...he's so beautiful...

"Naruto..."

I take a deep breath...it's now or never.

"I...I like you."

"What?"

"I said I like you."

Pause. Silence.

"Pssh...You better. Since we're teammates and all."

"No. I _really_ like you."

"Sasuke Uchiha. If we walked thirty minutes into this forest and you claim that you have something really important to tell me, and all you say is 'I like you', you better believe your getting one hell of an ass whop-"

"Naruto. I really, _really _like you. Y'know... like you, like you."

"Eh?"

"Like a boy likes a girl." I say matter-of-factly before realizing my mistake.

Naruto glares at me.

"I'm a _girl_?" he whispers threatingly.

"No. Baka! You know what I mean."

"No. I don't. Now I'm _stupid_."

"Yes Naruto. Yes you are."

"Fine then. I'm leaving. If I stay around you any longer, you might loose precious IQ points." he says mockingly and begins to storm off.

"No!" What have I done? This is not according to plan. The plan was for me to confess my undying love for Naruto and then for him to return my affections. We then proceed to leave the forest. I carry him bridal style to the Uchiha Manor and have my wicked, wicked way with him.

"Naruto. Please...listen to me. Don't go."

"Sasuke. I swear. You are pissing me o—what the hell!"

I push him into the nearest tree and pin his arms above his head. I lean down close to him, pressing my body against his warm toned chest, yet never breaking eye contact.

"Naruto...I like you." I whisper, before claiming his lips in a searing kiss.

We pull apart (because even ninjas need air).

"Ooooooh..." Naruto said blushing.

"Yeah, Naruto, 'Ooooooh'" Sasuke mimicked.

"So you meant you liiiiiiiike me, like me."

"What? That's what I said before!"

"No you said you _like_ me, like me. You didn't say you liiiiiiike me, like me."

"Huh?"

"Whatever Sasuke. I can't believe you don't understand. Hmph...and they call you a genius." Naruto muttered, rolling his eyes.

"I am a genius. You know what? Fine Naruto! I love you."

Pause. Silence. Stare.

"But you said that you like me?"

"Yeah, I know. And now I love you."

"How can you change it that easily? That's not right!"

"Naruto. You're impossible."

"Hmph!" the blond pouted, turning his head to the side and crossing his arms over his chest. So kawaiii!

"Fine. I'll make you understand." Naruto whispered huskily and then glomped me.

We landed on the floor in a heap. Naruto then latched himself onto my mouth. Of course, who am I to complain?

We continued to tongue wrestle, until Naruto suddenly pulled up. He stood up, dusted off his orange pants. And began to walk away.

"Where the hell are you going?" I all but screamed out.

"To Ichiraku's. I like you too, Sasuke. But I loooove ramen."

Was it wrong of me to feel a searing jealousy for the cooked noodles and broth at that moment? No, I'm sure it's normal.

I sigh and lay back flat on the ground. Hmm... the clouds are nice... Maybe if I take up after Shikamaru, I won't have to deal with troublesome blonds.

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A/N: This wasn't so good. But it was one of the ideas I had and the plot bunnies wouldn't leave me alone until I posted it. So, I hoped you enjoyed it anyways. 


	4. Unforgivable

Title: Moments; Chapter 3

Author: myinukoi

Paring(s): SasuNaru

Warnings: Yaoi, sexual references...

_Summary: Sasuke comes home to meet a..._different_ Naruto... Can their relationship survive such a tryst?_

Disclaimer: Not yet...

C h a p t e r 4: _Unforgivable _

Sasuke came home from a D class mission assigned by Tsunade. Even as a Jounin, he was still receiving assignments in which he had to chase the familiar white cat, once again lost by the over-zealous Fire feudal lord's wife.

'Hm...should I have crazy kinky sex with Naruto before or after a quick meal?'

Sasuke decided he was still full from last night's ramen feast, where Ichiraku offered fifteen free ramen coupons to the person who could eat the most ramen in ten minutes. Of course, Naruto won with a record breaking twenty six bowls. The brunette enthusiastically opened the door to the Uchiha Manor ready to molest the blond only to find the strangest sight to greet him in the entry hallway.

There sitting on a single wooden chair was Naruto. His head was slightly tilted down and his blond locks casted an ominous shadow over the Kyuubi boy's eyes.

"Hello, Sasuke."

"Na-Naruto?" The Uchiha boy whispered fearfully. He had never seen the blond like this. Dammit! He deserves to be scared.

"How was your day?"

"Fine. Naruto what are you doing?"

"Oh nothing. Just waiting for you to come home is all. Sasuke?"

"Yeah?"

"Lock the door."

"W-what?" _What the hell is going on?_

"I said---" Naruto's head shot up and Sasuke could see the crazed, desperate, and horriby saddened look in his cerulean eyes.

"–lock the door, Sasuke."

Sasuke immediately went to lock the door. He usually wouldn't spare a glance to anyone who told him such an order (besides the Hokage, of course) but this was a life or death situation! That doesn't mean he has to be happy about it.

"Stupid Naruto. Thinks he's the boss of me...Hn. No good, idiotic, dobe. So stupid." Sasuke grumbled as he shuffled his feet slowly across the wooden floor to lock the door as requested.

"STUPID! STUPID! I don't know who you are calling stupid Uchiha but it certainly isn't me!"

"Eh?" Sasuke was stupefied by the blond's sudden burst.

'_What the hell is going on here?'_

"A mission is where you went off to, huh? A Jounin given a D-class mission. Hmph."

"Naruto! What are you talking about?"

"You really thought I wouldn't find out? Why would you do something like that? I thought I meant something to you..." the broken boy whispered quietly.

"Naruto? What happened?"

"Sasuke. Answer me, honestly." Naruto looked straight into obsidian eyes.

"Of course." Sasuke responded keeping the gaze.

"Did you- did you give away my ramen coupons?"

Silence.

"What?"

"Did. You. Give. Away. My. _Fucking_. Ramen. Coupons?" he says slowly yet menacingly.

I look at him strangely for a moment before brushing past him and exiting the room.

Once I re-enter I'm holding a banded up wad of yellow, orange, green, and pink coupons.

I toss them on his lap. "Here's you damned coupons," I mutter staring at him.

I see him stare at the coupons, mouth agape, and eyes wide. He looks quite comical.

"Sasuke–I..." Naruto seems to be at a loss for words.

"Naruto, I really wish you wouldn't presume things of me. Remember last night you said you wanted me to keep your precious coupons safe under your pillow. Well, you said that right before you passed out, so I guess I can't blame you for not remembering. You really shouldn't have eaten that much ramen. You continued to eat, even after you were declared the winner." Sasuke recalled, grinning at the memory.

"I'm sorry, Sasuke." Naruto said with a pout.

Sasuke crouched down so he was at eye-level with Naruto. He grabbed the other boy's chin, and made sure that cerulean met obsidian.

"I would _never_ give your ramen coupons away, Naruto. **_Never_**."

Naruto stared at the Uchiha for a moment, as if searching for something in the other boy's eyes.

Apparently he found it.

"Oh, Sasuke!" Naruto exclaimed,glomping the older un-expecting nin.

They hugged for a good few minutes.

"I knew you would never give my coupons away, Sasuke." Naruto muttered his head buried in Sasuke's neck.

This was a very emotional moment for them both.

The blond had to hold back his tears.


	5. Laundromat Part 1

Title: Moments; Chapter 5

Author: myinukoi

Paring(s): SasuNaru, ShikaTema, LeeGaa, KibaHina, NejiNaru (one-sided), KakaIru

Warnings: Yaoi, sexual references...

_Summary: Our favorite ninjas share some impersonal secrets about their lovers. Where? At the laundromat, of course._

Disclaimer: Not yet...

In this chapter we will be seeing the semes and the guys

C h a p t e r 5: _Laundromat Part 1_

It was a sunny day in Konoha, and six ninjas were aligned in front of six washers and dryers located in the local laundromat. Doing what? Their laundry of course.

"Oi! What do ya have their Sasuke!" Kiba yelled, as he tossed his dirty laundry into the washing machine.

The said Uchiha, turned to face the inu-boy while holding Naruto's favorite pair of boxers.

"Huh?"

"Are those yours?" Kiba snickered.

"Tch...anyone can see those boxers are obviously Naruto's." Shikamaru muttered.

"And how do you know this?" Kiba countered back immaturely.

"Um...I don't know." the genius muttered sarcastically. "Probably because it's _orange _and it has a _ramen cup _sewn into the corner. "

"Sasuke. Why the hell would you buy Naruto such...ya know." said Kiba glancing at the blinding orange boxers.

"I didn't buy this for him." the Uchiha replied coldly, his voice laced with jealously.

"Um...then who did?" asked Lee in the corner.

"**_Ayame_**." he replied so coldly that the other men could've sworn that they felt a chilling breeze blow by despite the summer weather.

"The Ichiraku girl?" Neji questioned.

"Yeah," Kakashi added in, "Iruka said that every time him and Naruto go to the ramen bar, the girl is always staring at Naruto with googly love-struck eyes."

Sasuke and Neji both made disturbing coughing noises.

"Well, Naruto loves the pair so much, that he wouldn't let me get rid of them." Sasuke growled menacingly.

"And I just can't stand to hurt my poor little Naru-chan..." he added quietly as an afterthought.

"You think that's weird? Hinata is innocent and sweet, but this is just ridiculous!" Kiba said holding up pink panties with white lacy trim on the edges. The underwear had prints of unicorns, fluffy clouds, and small rainbows.

The boys eyes seemed to burn with the girly-ness of it all (1).

"Yo Shikamaru! What about Temari?" Kakashi asked.

"Tch...how troublesome." the genius muttered while holding up a pair of boxers to show the crowd.

"I said, what about _Temari_?" the Jounin spoke slowly, surprised that the so-called genius didn't understand him.

"These are Temari's." he said, glaring at the silver-haired man. (2)

"Ohhhh..."everyone in the room chorused.

"Yeah...she believes comfort is important." Shikamaru said before returning to his 'troublesome' laundry.

"I've always been curious about Gaara, though..." Kiba said.

Lee continued with his work as if he hadn't heard anything.

"I said," Kiba took a deep breath and stood right beside the Taijutsu master.

"I've always been curious about Gaara."

Lee continued to ignore the boy.

"Dammit Lee!"

"I feel it is none of your concern what my lover chooses to wear beneath his clothing. I believe that showing off your partner's undergarments _without their permission_, no less, is a sign of disloyalty and treason to said partner. I know that _my_ Gaara would never---"

"My, my, I never knew Gaara was the satin type." Kakashi said while holding a pair of red silky boxers with 'Sabuku No Gaara' stitched in white at the back.

"That is enough!" Lee huffed snatching back the glossy material. "How rude!"(3) Lee exclaimed turning back to his laundry with an aura of utter disdain, all-the-while muttering about 'perverted sensei's checking out little boy's undies.'

Kakashi pretended not to hear the comment.

"What do you have there _Hyuuga_?" the Uchiha asked coldly.

"Ah, nothing of your concern."

"Give up, Hyuuga. It's over. He's **mine**." Sasuke said quite smugly.

"Hm...really. That's not what Naruto said when he gave me these." (4)

The crowd gasped as Neji held up a pair of tight black boxers that read 'Uzamaki's Daddy'.

"You bastard! I'll kill you!"

"Let's go, Uchiha! I'll take you out." Neji whispered threateningly.

The two brunettes then proceeded to the training grounds, laundry long forgotten.

"Well, I'm still curious," Kiba stated and the only one left was Kakashi. He turned to the masked Jounin and the silver-haired man did not hesitate in the slightest to hold up a black leather thong with 'Iruka' stitched in red in the front. Flames adorned the edges of the tiny piece, and the remaining boys could only wonder how long it must take for the Chuunin to put it on.

"Well, I'm done sharing now, how about you guys?" Kiba stated, a little shocked at what the Jounin showed them.

All boys nodded the agreement, deciding they were all scarred enough for one day.

Kakashi simply chuckled.

(1) I love Hinata to bits, so don't think otherwise. I adore each character portrayed in this fic, so don't think I'm bashing them, 'kay. But don't worry. She'll redeem herself more than enough in the next chapter!

(2) I couldn't resist. Temari does seem a little tom-boyish, no? I love her all the same though. She's one of the best female characters in Naruto.

(3) Doesn't that remind you of Full House?

(4) Naruto didn't really give him those, don't worry.

Wow! I really think I'm going to get some flames for this chapter. Here you all are expecting some SasuNaru goodness, yet I give you not only that, but _so_ much more.

**Next chapter**: _We will see the ukes and the girls doing their laundry as well, and get their revenge!_


	6. Laundromat Part 2

Title: Moments; Chapter 6

Author: myinukoi

Paring(s): SasuNaru, ShikaTema, LeeGaa, KibaHina, NejiNaru (one-sided), KakaIru

Warnings: Yaoi, sexual references...

_Summary: Our favorite ninjas share some impersonal secrets about their lovers. Where? At the laundromat, of course._

Disclaimer: Not yet...

In this chapter we will be seeing the ukes and the girls.

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C h a p t e r 6: _Laundromat Part 2

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_

The sun had gone down, and a calm evening breeze blew through the village of Konoha. Two women and three men stood in the laundromat, doing, once again what _normal_ people always do in a laundromat, their laundry.

But then again, are we dealing with normal people?

Because the five people in the laundromat were no other than, Umino Iruka, Uzamaki Naruto, Hyuuga Hinata, Temari, and Sabuku no Garra (yes you heard me right ).

No, not normal at all.

"Hinata! Are those yours!" Temari asked, her eyes widening.

"Umm...well...yea-yeah." the shy girl stated, or rather, stuttered. At the moment she strangely resembled a tomato.

"Um...wow, Hinata." Naruto stated, staring wide-eyed as well at the black lacy thong in the Hyuuga heiress's hands.

"And here, you had us all fooled, thinking you were an innocent little girl..." Temari said solemnly shaking her head

"Hahahahahahahahahahaha!" Naruto suddenly broke out into laughter.

"What's so funny, Naruto?" Iruka asked, looking up from his laundry.

"Is that,--" Naruto asked pointing to the boxers in Hinata's basket, "–is that Kiba's!"

The blushing girl looked down at the pre-mentioned boxers and nodded letting a small chuckle come out as well. It seems Naruto has discovered Kiba's Inuyasha printed boxers. (1)

"Wow! Now I knew dog-boy loved mutts, but wow!" Naruto stated in obvious astonishment.

"You sh-should see h-his r-r-room." Hinata blushed, recalling the inu covered room.

"Hmph. Stupid Shikamaru. Look at this! Isn't it ridiculous!" Temari stated, holding up Shikamaru's boxers.

"Well, can you expect anything less from a genius?" Iruka smiled, eyeing the very _unique _boxers.

The boy's undies were black, while math equations and famous scientific theorems littered the cotton shorts. People heard of self-centered masterminds, but this was absurd.

"What about you, Naruto? I've always been curious about Sasuke-kun." Iruka smiled coyly at the blond.

"Um...well you see."the blond stuttered, seemingly taking up after Hinata.

"Show us, Naruto. Before we leave, finding better things to do." Temari stated flatly.

But Naruto didn't have time to answer as Temari dug through the dirty laundry, finally pulling up a pair of boxers.

"Oh. My. God." Iruka said, obviously stupefied, while staring at the boxers.

The boxers were black silk and stitched into them were seemingly over one hundred tiny Uchiha fans. On the back, was stated in big, block, bold, red letters:

'Uzamaki's REAL AND ONLY Daddy'

The blond sighed. Sasuke had bought it the same day (2) after coming home from the laundromat bruised and bloodied. Without even taking a shower, he stripped down in the hallway, put on the boxers, and had his way with Naruto, leaving **tons **of possession marks on him. The blond could barely walk to the laundromat, and he doubted he'd be able to walk at all for the rest of the week.

Obviously, the said undies had to be washed the same day, seeing as it was now the Uchiha's favorite pair.

"Okay..." said Temari, turning away from the mortified Kyuubi vessel and facing Gaara.

"So lil' bro. What about you? How does Bushy Brows like to get down?" Temari smirked.

"..."

Silence.

"Come on, Gaara. I'm sure he showed yours off." She added with a wink.

"There's nothing to show you." Gaara said as stoic and as quiet as ever.

"There has to be something!" Naruto prodded in.

"There's nothing to show you. Lee goes commando."

Silence.

"What?"

"Lee goes commando." Gaara repeated as if it was the most normal thing in the world, and he continued with his laundry.

Silence.

"No _fucking _way."

Everyone's heard swerved towards Hinata so fast (except Gaara, of course), that they all rubbed their neck as the whiplash caught up to them.

"Hinata? Did you just curse? And say a sentence without stuttering?" Iruka was shocked.

"HA! What now, Hinata! Pay up!" Temari's voice boomed in the nearly vacant room.

Hinata sighed and handed Temari a wad of cash.

"34,800 ¥ (3), r-right?" Hinata whispered sullenly.

"Of course. Don't look so down. You're rich."

"Hm...s-so are y-you..."

"No, Gaara's rich, honey. Not me." Temari countered back sweetly as she began to count her profit.

"What was that about?" asked Naruto confused.

"Oh, well, Hinata and I here made a bet awhile ago, you see. I knew Lee went commando, but Hinata was sure his underwear was just padded. We decided to put our money where are mouth is...and it looks like it all worked out for me."

"Perverts." Gaara muttered.

"With a tight suit like that you can't help but wonder..." Temari replied, but quickly shut up as she saw Gaara's sand move threateningly over to her. She and Gaara were on good terms, but no one should evoke his jealous rage.

"What about you, Iruka-sensei?" Naruto quickly changed the subject before blood could be spilt.

"Um...Naruto. I'd prefer not to..." Iruka blushed, but Naruto would have none of it.

"Hm...he really is a fan." Naruto thought aloud, seeing Kakashi's pink colored, _Icha Icha Paradise _embroidered underwear.

Now we should have all expected _that_.

"Bye." Gaara muttered, finishing his laundry and heading out the door.

"Yeah...I'll be going as well. I better visit Shikamaru now, before his dad decides it's too troublesome for his son to leave the house so late." Temari snickered and took her leave as well.

"B-bye N-Naruto-kun, I-Iruka-sensei..." Hinata trailed off blushing and bowing as she exited as well.

"Well today has been full of surprises, eh Iruka-sensei?" but Naruto received no reply as the Chuunin was gone, as well.

"Hmm...ah well." Naruto chirped turning back to fold his laundry and take his leave too, when something caught his eye.

"Hey! I don't remember buying any underwear that said '**_Hyuuga's Bitch_**' on it!" the blond yelled, utterly confused.

A few miles away, a mischievous white-eyed boy chuckled.

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(1) I love Inuyasha! He is so kawaii!

(2)Yes. They both are doing their laundry on the same day. Why? Because I want them to. XD

(3) 34,677 ¥ is the same as $300 in America. The girls are both loaded, in my opinion. I'd never make a bet worth that much. And what was Hinata doing in a laundromat with $300, anyway? Ah well, I'm the author. I should know these things... -.-;;

* * *

A/N: Well there you go, another chapter. So take ten seconds out of your life, and tell me what you think! 


	7. Homecoming

Title: Moments; Chapter 7

Author: myinukoi

Paring(s): SasuNaru, NejiNaru (one-sided), implied KakaIru

Warnings: Yaoi, sexual references...

_Summary: Did you ever wonder how Naruto reacted when Sasuke came back from Orochimaru for good? Well, so did I..._

Disclaimer: Not yet...

* * *

C h a p t e r 7: _Homecoming

* * *

_

"I'm back."

Tsunade looked up from her paperwork and sake to stare at the obsidian haired missing-nin.

"Sasuke?"

"I'm back. I'm staying this time...for Naruto." The fifteen year old looked sheepish at his half-baked confession.

Tsunade always suspected the Sharingan-user had feelings for the blond boy, but the Uchiha's revelation simply confirmed her beliefs.

"You hurt Naruto, Sasuke. He cares for you too, but..."

"But what?" The Uchiha asked venom lacing his voice.

"...but he's different. He may not feel the same anymore."

"I'll make him love me again." The Uchiha stated determinedly.

"You can't force someone to lov--" Tsunade started.

"Of course I can, I'm _the_ Uchiha Sasuke after all." The brunette stated smugly, nose in the air.

"Right..." she muttered, rolling her eyes at his conceited nature.

"Damn straight."

"Well, first we have to bring in your_ former_ friends and explained that you have returned. As well as some ANBU and advisors to make the proper documentation. After that, you better hope you can get to Naruto quickly because lately Neji has been taking a great interest in him, if you know what I mean... " the Hokage chuckled and winked.

"**WHAT?**!"

"Sit down, boy! We still have to discuss your punish--" Tsunade began,

–but the Uchiha was long gone, off to save his precious Naru-chan from the evil grips of the white-eyed Hyuuga.

* * *

"...So Sasuke is back, and before I could tell him his punishment, or bring you out to yell and beat the shit out of him, as we all promised to do– he ran off in obvious search of Naruto." Tsunade explained to Sakura, Shikamaru, Chouji, Ino, Hinata, Shino, Kiba, Lee, Ten Ten, Gai, Kakashi, Iruka, and Kurenai.

"Umm...wow." Chouji stated while munching on a potato chip.

Everyone else nodded.

Ino and Sakura were at first distressed to hear that their precious Sasuke-kun was in love with someone else - a boy, no less - but quickly diminished their revenge tactics towards Naruto and gave the new couple their -unnecessary- blessing.

Wait! Couple? But what about Neji?

Sakura voiced her thoughts.

"Ah well, I do guess that would be troublesome, ne?" Shikamaru pondered aloud.

"Well, let's _check _on them to make sure no bad comes from this Uchiha-Hyuuga encounter?" Iruka suggested, hardly able to bear the thought of the blond getting hurt or caught in the middle of the other two boy's tryst.

"Good idea, Iruka," Tsunade commented, and all fourteen ninjas in the room disappeared in a flurry of leaves.

* * *

The dark-haired Uchiha stood outside the blond's apartment breathless.

'It's the same as I remember...' Sasuke smirked, unaware of fourteen ninjas in a tree right outside Naruto's apartment.(1)

The boy knocked on the door, a smile on his face at finally being able to see the dobe again, quickly diminished once he heard voices on the other side of the door.

"_Hauuuu–! No! Neji stop! I don't even like you like that!"_

"_Come on, Naruto...one little kiss. It won't hurt..._much_..."_

"_Last time I gave you 'one little kiss' you pushed me down onto the couch and attempted to molest me!"_

"_Like what I'm doing right now?"_

"_Wuaaan–! No Neji! Don't touch me there!"_

"_Naruto..."_

Groan.

Squeel.

"_Ueeeen--! Kyaa! Someone help me! Save my virginity!"_

Sasuke, deciding he had heard enough (and quite glad that the blond's virginity was still intact), promptly broke down the door, to find a very happy Hyuuga over a deliciously shirtless scarred-for-life-and-about-to-cry Naruto.

"Sasuke!" Naruto exclaimed in surprise.

"Ugh...Uchiha..." Neji said annoyed.

"Naruto...I came back for you..." Sasuke whispered huskily.

Naruto promptly pushed off the Hyuuga and walked right up to Sasuke.

Sasuke stared at the way Naruto's hips swung slightly as he walked and as his chest and abs glistened from the sunshine coming in from the window.

Naruto stared at the Uchiha for awhile...they were _so close_...

Sasuke closed his eyes. It seemed as if he waited forever for this moment. This was perfect, and some stupid Hyuuga cursing his luck in the background, is not going to stop this inevitable ki–

**SLAM!**

Sasuke whimpered as his body was thrown into a wall. Naruto's hand was still red and steaming from the delivered punch.

The blond smirked, prepared to beat the Uchiha into unconsciousness.

"Welcome back, Sasuke."

_No...Sasuke isn't leaving anymore.

* * *

_

"Kami-sama! Why did Naruto punch Sasuke!" Sakura screamed.

"I don't know, but I'm looking forward to this. This is much better than Icha Icha Violence!" Kakashi stated, tucking the orange book away in his Jounin vest, and diverting all his attention to Naruto's window, where he watched the fight, or rather, ass kicking of Uchiha Sasuke.

"I can certainly say this was unexpec– Wow! Good one Naruto! Did you see that kick to the head! That's my boy!" Iruka shouted, clapping his hands, and whistling.

"But why is Naruto beating the shit out of Sasuke?" Kiba asked.

Everyone was at a loss of words. Why _was_ Naruto beating Sasuke?

Their question was answered by an unexpecting source.

"Revenge." Shino said darkly.

Everyone suddenly became mute, sat still in the tree, and watched the fight ensue.

* * *

"And take that! And that! And that! Ha!" Naruto said, and with each sentence, added a kick in the gut for emphasis. (Poor Sasuke! T.T)

"You. Are. Not. Leaving. Any. More." He said with non-stop punches to the face.

Neji sat back on the couch where he was previously molesting the blond and chuckled.

"Neji! Go get my duct tape and rope from the closet!"

"Ay, ay, Captain!" Neji said enthusiastically and went off in search of the said items.

_Bondage is fun too_... thought the perverted Hyuuga. (2)

"I'll lock you up in a basement an no one will ever find you! You are not leaving me behind ever again!"

"Naruto..I'm not leaving...please listen to m–gah!"

Naruto wrapped duct tape around the other boy's mouth and then proceeded to tie him up.

"Wait! Naruto! Don't hurt Sasuke!" Tsunade jumped out of the tree, leaped up to Naruto's floor, and stopped him from further abusing the broken and bruised boy.

"But Tsunade-baba chan! Sasuke is a missing-nin! He abandoned Konaha! And you guys! And me..." he said the last part in a whisper, but it could clearly be heard.

"No, Naruto. You have it all wrong." Iruka interjected. "Sasuke came here to confess his feelings for you and save you from Neji who was -quite loudly- molesting you." he chuckled a bit at the last part.

"Oh...wait! How did you know Neji was molesting me?"

"..."

"W-Well N-Naruto-kun, we were k-kinda in the tree w-watching the whole t-thing..." Hinata mumbled from behind Kiba

"**What?**!" Sasuke screeched from beneath Naruto.

"So you all knew the truth, but kept your asses in a tree, while Naruto beat the shit out of me!" Sasuke yelled enraged.

"Yup!" Chouji chirped and nodded while popping a salty potato chip in his mouth once again.

"Why didn't you just hit Naruto back? Defend yourself?" Ten Ten asked, confused.

"Because," Naruto said pointing at himself and nodding proudly, "I'm _hella_ strong and Sasuke couldn't beat me if he had a stick up his ass! I am, of course, going to be the Hokage one da-"

"I couldn't hurt Naruto..." Sasuke whispered, his head down.

"Huh?" Naruto asked the brunette confused.

"I can't hurt you Naruto..." Sasuke locked his gaze with Naruto. His eyes swimming with forbidden emotions...

"AWWWWW! KAWAIII!" Ino, Sakura, Hinata, Ten Ten, Lee, Gai (yes, those two) and even Kurenai squeeled from the back.

"Well, they kinda ruined the moment..." Kakashi muttered rolling his eyes, and retrieving his precious Icha Icha once again

But no one was really paying much attention to him, as the girls and our favorite Taijutsu masters were squeeling in the back, the boys were making bets on who would be seme and uke; so Kakashi tried to catch a fleeing Iruka to show him a move in his Icha Icha book that the couple should practice that night.

Moans were coming form the other side of the door in Naruto's apartment, and everyone can tell the former rivals were having a good time...until—

"_Kyaa! Neji No Hentai!"_

"_A threesome...please?"_ pleaded the white-eyed boy from the other side of the door. He added an adorable un-deniable pout for emphasis.

Just when Naruto was about to give in...

"_Ugh! Hyuuga get out! Fucking Voyuer!"_

The white-eyed boy was unceremoniously thrown out of the door. He then stomped off in a reign of curses about 'sticks up Uchiha's asses' and 'cute, fuckable blonds.'

* * *

(1) Wow! If he can't spot _fourteen_ people in a _tree_, then Orochimaru didn't do him any good, huh?

(2) Perverted Nejis' aren't very common, huh? So, lets bask in this moment. Ahhh...

Wahhh...I fell so sorry for Neji! T.T

He just wanted some love! So no, I am not bashing Neji! I love him to bits! -squeezes Neji plushie and goes off to read a NejiNaru-


	8. Bad News

Title: Moments; Chapter 8

Author: myinukoi

Paring(s): SasuNaru, NejiNaru (one-sided), implied KakaIru

Warnings: Yaoi, sexual references...

_Summary: Naruto has some bad news._

Disclaimer: Not yet...

C h a p t e r 8: _Bad News_

Naruto entered the living room, where the Uchiha was watching his favorite sitcom. The blond carried a small stack of mail in his hand.

"Anything for me?" Sasuke questioned from the couch.

"Umm..." said Naruto, flipping through the mail quickly. Let's see; bills, taxes, bills, nope. Nothing for Sasu-

**Konaha Hospital**

The Kyuubi vessel looked at the address on the envelope in shock.

"Huh?" asked the lazy Sharingan-user.

But Naruto didn't answer, seeing as he was now tearing the envelope open and quickly scanning the information inside.

"Oh no!" Naruto gasped.

Sasuke quickly turned away from the sitcom. "What? What is it?"

The look of utter horror on the blond's face made the obsidian-haired boy uneasy.

"Naruto?"

_What could be so bad? _Sasuke thought.

"Sasuke, I have some bad news...to say the least..." Naruto muttered.

_Oh no! Is he breaking up with me? Everything was going so well, too! What did I do wrong?_

"You see..."

_I bet it was that Hyuuga kid! He seduced Naruto! He took my Naru-chan away from me! _

""It's Sakura..."

_Sakura? She seduced my kitsune? Well then, she must die too! Naruto...why?..._

"She's been in an accident."

_Oh...my bad._

"An accident? What happened? Is she alright?"

"The medic-nins don't know yet. She has suffered quite a bit of damage from her last A-rank mission in the Lightening Country. A good number of broken ribs, a pierced lung, cracked skull causing a concussion, dislocated femur, and other injuries so gruesome and complex, I can't even sound them out..." Naruto murmured looking down at the sheet of paper he was obviously reading from.

"Naruto, are you okay?"

Cerulean eyes, swimming with tears gazed back up at me.

"It's gonna be alright, Naruto...Sakura's strong." Sasuke pulled the traumatized blond down to his lap.

"Yeah..." Naruto said. "She _is_ strong isn't she?"

"Damn straight!" the Uchiha exclaimed, brightening the kitsune's mood even further.

"We'll visit her right now."

"Thank you, Sasuke."

"No problem, Naru-chan."

Naruto quickly scanned through the mail again, his eyes still swimming with tears, but a comforting smile adorned his face, all the same.

"Wow!" Naruto exclaimed in happy astonishment.

Sasuke looked towards his boyfriend.

"Sasuke!" Naruto shouted locking gazes with the said Uchiha. "I have some good news!"

"What? Is Sakura's gonna be alright?" Sasuke asked, hope tainting his usually cold tone.

"No," the blond smiled. "I just saved a ton of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico!"

A/N: You didn't expect that, huh? Well, if you did, then you're good. I got my inspiration from this video on Youtube, but I have no idea where it is now. Ah, well. Review please.


	9. Aphrodisiac

Title: Moments; Chapter 9

Author: myinukoi

Paring(s): SasuNaru, NejiNaru (one-sided), implied KakaIru

Warnings: Yaoi, sexual references...

_Summary: Sasuke discover's Naruto has a personal aphrodisiac that turns him into a sex-craving, horny-beyond-belief, ravish-worthy kitsune! Of course, what kind of boyfriend would he be if he didn't use this information to his advantage? _

Disclaimer: Not yet...

C h a p t e r 9: _Aphrodisiac_

†**Ichiraku Ramen; 8:38 pm**†

"Oi, old man!" A exuberant blond caught the ramen owners attention. "Today...I want four pork ramen, seven shrimp ramen, three chicken ramen, five teriyaki beef ramen..." the blond continued.

Sasuke sighed and pulled out his heavy wallet. When taking Naruto out to eat, one must be prepared...

He waited patiently for five minutes as the Kyuubi-holder shouted out ramen flavors and various quantities..

"...and two more Cajun chicken ramen, only _one_ spicy vegetable ramen, you know how I hate veggies so put as few in there as possible--" (at this Sasuke interjected 'Then why even bother eating it and making me buy it?') "-- and twelve miso ramen...and ooh! Ano sa, ano sa-- old man? What's that?"

Ichiraku, who had been furiously scribbling down the orders at an inhuman pace, paused to look at the menu chart to where the blond was pointing.

"Ah, that's our new specialty! Wanna try Naruto?" the man asked eagerly. Money is money, and Naruto with his boyfriend, were high paying customers!

"Yeah, yeah!" The blond nodded enthusiastically, drooling at the sight.

"Ya got it, kid!" And with that, the old man proceeded to carry out the orders of the mass quantities of ramen.

Naruto waited impatiently, as his many bowls of ramen were placed in front of him. The blond scouted the sea of noodles and broth until he came upon the unfamiliar ramen specialty.

He grabbed it eagerly and was about to take a huge bite until he looked down at what he was _actually _eating.

"Ewww..." the blond said, using a chopstick to point at the greenish-blackish glob of glime that resided on the noodles. "What's that?" he said, a gruesome expression, marring his innocent features.

Ichiraku looked down at the gunk in his ramen and then let his gaze rest on Naruto. "It's what you ordered." the man behind the counter said blandly at the blond's rude behavior towards his cooking.

"Yeah, but what is it made of?" Naruto asked, poking the glob carefully with a chopstick.

"To be honest," the old man said glancing at the meal, "I have no idea..."

_That cannot be sanitary..._

"Who cares, Naruto. I'm paying for it so you're eating eat." Sasuke interjected coldly. That was the most expensive thing on the menu, and he'd be damned if the blond refused to eat it.

"But Sasu---" Naruto began, before being cut off.

"Don't start with me, Naruto..." the Uchiha threatened, "Eat." He said, pointing to the meal.

"But--"

"Eat!"

"Okay.." the blond eeped, quickly taking a bite out of the discolored blob.

"Good boy." Sasuke reached out to pat the blond mop of hair only to stop at Naruto's expression.

"Na-Naruto? You okay?" the Uchiha asked gently.

Ichiraku stopped drying a wet ramen bowl to gawk at the Kyuubi boy.

Naruto's mouth was ajar and his face was flushed. His arms were siff at his side making him appear momentarily frozen. The blond's eyes were clouded over and his pupils were dialating and expanding making him seem, bug-eyed and alien-ish.

"What did you do to my Naruto!" The Uchiha yelled, turning on the old man.

The man looked pale. _Ooohh...this will not be good for business... _

"Sasuke..."a husky voice ground out. A pleasurable shiver coursed through out the aforementioned boy's spine.

The Uchiha turned to face the blond.

Naruto never, ever used that voice--unless it was a birthday, anniversary, **very** special occasion or when he was---

Gulp.

"Y-Yes Naruto?"

--seriously, drop-dead **horny**.

Naruto's pink lips were wet, and pursed in a pout. His eyelids, drooped around clouded lust-filled blue orbs. His gaze was locked on Sasuke, never wavering.

**Hell Yeah!**

The simple look the blond was giving him, and the undeniable horniness radiating off the boy in waves, instantly made the dark-haired boy hard.

"Let's go home, Sa-su-ke...so I can... thank you..._properly_... for buying me ramen." Naruto was behind him, nuzzling his neck, and purring suggestively.

Sasuke swiftly, pulled out his wallet, dropped it on the counter, and lifted Naruto over his shoulder (cave-man style XD), and quickly jumped roof to roof, back to the Uchiha manor, with a horny demon-vessel in his arms.

_Hmm_, thought the old man behind the counter who watched the entire scene in mild interest (the pervert!), _at least they're weren't any customers or yaoi-fangirls to see this. _

He then grabbed the Uchiha's abandoned wallet, promptly emptied it, and then proceeded to stuff his cash register to the brim.

†**Uchiha Manor, Master Bedroom; 6:39 am**†

"Come on, Sasuke. One more time."

"Na-Naruto...please. I-I'm tired. We didn't even rest. We were up all n-night, doing..._that_." -blush- "..I j-just can't anymore.." the Uchiha said to his lover tiredly.

He laid naked next to the blond in soiled disarrayed sheets. Last night was...mind-blowing, to say the least.

"Hmph...party-pooper!" the blond pouted, apparently, not in the least bit tired.

"Rest Naruto, w-we have to go to t-the bridge in..." Sasuke glanced at the clock and winced, "half an h-hour."

"Oh, well better start getting dressed!" the blond leaped out of bed and ran to the bathroom.

Sasuke nodded and winced as he stood up. How is he sore, when he was on _top_ last night?

Sasuke left as well, prepared to face a sleep-drained day.

†**The Bridge; 9:34 am**†

"Yo." Kakashi greeted his two late pupils.

"See, Sasuke-teme! No we were later than Kakashi-sensei! And that's saying something!" Naruto yellled at his boyfriend. At this, Kakashi pouted.

"Mmpgh..." was the brunette's only reply.

"Ohayao Naruto-kun, Sasuke-ku--Oh my, Sasuke! You look..." Sakura searched for the word, but settled for, "..different."

And 'different' the Uchiha looked, because today his face was paler than usual, black rings underlined his dull red eyes, and the way his feet dragged wearily on the ground, reminded Sakura so much of her jii-chan. But the reason Sasuke looked truly 'different' today, was the large grin that was plastered on his face.

"Oi! Sasuke! Had a_ rough _night?" Kakashi joked.

Sasuke simply nodded, grin still intact.

"You think you'll be able to train today?"

Sasuke shook his head, 'no'.

"Why not?" Kakashi asked. Surely a night's lack of sleep won't be able to side-track the lone survivor of the Uchiha clan.

"Gotta take Naruto to get ramen..." Sasuke slurred.

"Um...but Sasuke," Sakura interjected, "that's not enough reason to skip out on trai-"

"HELL YEAH! Sasu-chan you're the best!" Naruto then glomped the said Uchiha, and dragged him off to Ichiraku's before Sakura could finish her sentence, or Kakashi could object.

Sakura puffed in indignitation at being ignored by the boys, while Kakashi mearly smiled.

†**Ichiraku Ramen; 10:02 am**†

"Ano sa, Ano sa, old man!" Naruto chirped happily as he took a seat on the stool.

The said man turned, surprised to see his favorite customer once again. He thought he would never see the couple again, due to the incident from last night.

"Okay. Once again, I want,-" Ichiraku made to pull out his notebook and pen, "-Are ya ready? Okay... four pork ramen, seven shrimp ramen, three chicke-"

"No. He wants that crap that you served him last time." Sasuke interjected, his voice no longer seeming weary, but laced with excitement.

"Huh? Stupid teme...ignore him, he's been acting strange all morning. Anyway, as I was saying..." Naruto began but was cut off once again.

"Old man," Sasuke gave Ichiraku his famous death glare. "I said, give him the same shit you fed him last time. The one that made him go all psycho. Give. Him. That."

"But Sasuke..." Naruto pouted but was cut off by Sasuke's cold glare.

The ramen was placed in front of Naruto five minutes later, by shaking wrinkled old hands.

"Eww...not again..." the blond sighed, and used the tip of his chopstick to poke at the familiar glob. The tiny piece of slimy gunk that was on the Kyuubi boy's chopstick, was tentatively put to his lips, but was abruptly stopped by a pale hand.

Naruto turned to look at his boyfriend.

"Naruto. Take a big chunk, and eat it. No, eat it all. Every single last drop, and then you can lick the bowl clean for all I care. I just want all of the contents in that bowl, to be in your stomach."

"Fwueen...--! Sasuke! You make me so angr-"

"You have thirty seconds. Go!"

The blond saw the time limit as a challenge, so he quickly began to devour the contents of the bowl and ignored how his throat felt on fire as he gulped down the hot broth. Stupid Sasuke! I'll show him! Thinks he can order me around to—

Narrate froze, and it seemed, he was suffering from the same side-effects as he was last night, at the bar.

Sasuke stared at his boyfriend, a mischievous smirk on his face.

"Ah, so it's true...I guess whatever is in this crap, makes Naru-chan horny as hell. Good..."

He smirked once again, as he saw the familiar hunger and lust in the blond's eyes.

"Are you ready to leave, Na-ru-to?"

†**One Week Later, Konaha; 5:07 pm**†

"Ah, Uchiha. You look like shit. If you don't keep up appearances, the kitsune will start to...wander." Neji Hyuuga smirked at the Uchiha's state. He looked like he hasn't slept, bathed, or ate for days (1).

"Hm...whatever Hyuuga." Sasuke muttered, obviously not in the right state of mind.

It was then that the said kitsune, appeared from behind Sasuke, only to look no better than the Uchiha himself.

"You asshole! What have you done to my kitsune!" Neji yelled, appalled at the blond's appearance and weariness. Seeing his blond in such a state was heart-wrenching for the Byakugan-user.

"Hm...Neji...Hi." Naruto muttered, his eyes half-lidded, and his steps uncoordinated and sluggish.

"Come here, Naru-chan. Did the mean Uchiha hurt you?" Neji held the boy close, and sniffed the blond mop of hair, ignoring the putrid smell, simply glad to be close to his Naru-chan.

"You have no idea..." Naruto said, recalling last night and rubbling his ass in discomfort.

Neji didn't hear him and then asked, "Would ramen make your ouchies better?"

"NO!" the Uchiha yelled, suddenly regaining his energy. "You won't be feeding my Naruto anything of the sort! I will kill you, you asshole!"

"Then will _you_ take me to Ichiraku's, Sasuke?" Naruto asked.

"Of course, baby, let's go."

Neji stood there as the pair walked off, making the decision to spend the rest of the day 'watching' (or what others might call, stalking) the couple.

†**Hyuuga's Branch House Compound, Neji's Room; 10:23 pm**†

"Okay Neji, think. Think! You're a genius dammit!" the Byakugan-user muttered to himself.

_So...what have I learned today?_

1. Uchiha is eager to get Naruto to eat ramen...at Ichiraku

2. This is suspicious because he despises wasting his money buying my kitsune ramen. (Dammit...I would love to buy my baby ramen. Stupid Uchiha doesn't know how to take care of my Naru-chan...)

3. Ichiraku has a new dish.

4.Naruto only eats this dish, despite his usual need to eat varying quantities and types of ramen when he visits the noodle stand.

5. Sasuke forces him to eat the dish (abusing bastard!) despite Naruto's whelms against it.

6. They then leave to have, presumedly, extremely hot sex. (Grrr...)

_So, what could be happening to Naruto?_

**X**-Being poisoned by the Uchiha bastard

**X**-A mysterious jutsu is placed on the ramen causing the Uchiha bastard to rape my Naruto

?-The new ramen is an aphrodisiac towards Naruto.

_Ah, if my answer truly is number three, I can find a way to use this knowledge to my advantage..._

Neji sighed, and reached under his bed where he secretly keeps his safe. He pulled it out, accessed the code, and began to count his money and valuables.

Kukukuku...

†**Uchiha Manor, Master Bedroom; 9:04 am**†

-_Five minutes after non-stop sex_-

"Oi! Naruto? Wanna skip out on training and get some ramen?"

"But we h-haven't been to t-training for a week, Sasuke! I'm t-tired...And you always m-make me eat that crap when we go to Ichiraku's. The o-only reason he hasn't cancelled it from the m-menu is because you buy about t-twenty-bowls a d-day..." Naruto said, utterly drained. He could bearly talk without stuttering. He just wanted some sleep...Oh, how the tables have turned!

"And that old bastard better not cancel that wondrous food from the menu. Kami knows what will happen if I don't have my dai- I mean...if _you_ don't have your daily dose of that ramen!"

"Uh huh..." Naruto sighed and turned his back to the Uchiha in an attempt to get more sleep, but was yanked out of bed by a hand with a death-grip.

†**Ichiraku Ramen; 9:12 am**†

"Oi, Old man! You know what he needs! The usual! Chop chop!" Sasuke yelled barging into the, before, peacefully quiet ramen bar.

Ichiraku sighed. _Kids these days...no respect for they're elders. _

The young Uchiha was practically dragging a sleeping Naruto in his arms.

"Sorry kid, if you're asking about that octopus/seaweed stuff we serve you usually, you ain't gonna find it here.."

"What!" the Uchiha yelled enraged, his Sharingan flaring to life. "Don't go crazy on me, old man! Serve it up, quick!"

"I told you! We have no more!" yelled Ichiraku, loosing his patience. "Some freaky white-eyed boy **bought** it all."

Silence.

"What?" the Sharingan-user asked quietly.

"Some boy came in; white eyes, long dark hair...he said he needed all the green gooey stuff we got so he could '_get down with his blond kitsune_'...whatever the hell that means...I don't understand how you young hip-folk speak now-a-days..."

"How much did he offer you! I'll pay twice as much! Three times!" Sasuke yelled, now swinging his lover around through his rage, as if the blond was a rag doll.

"Sorry kid. It's all gone. Every last drop."

"Eurrggh! Damn you, Hyuuga! Damn you to Hell!" Sasuke screeched, raising his fist to the air, in silent oath that Neji's blood will be spilt for denying Naruto his 'mo-jo', as he so affectionally called it.

The blond woke up by the violent treatment he was recieving from the obsidian-haired boy, and stealthily broke his way free from the deranged boy's grip. He exited the bar, and was greeted by none other than -guess who?- Hyuuga Neji.

"Hey Neji! What's up?"

"Nothing, Naruto. I was just wondering... Do you want to come over to my house and have some ramen?"

(1): The two barely get any sleep, the only time they bathe is when they have sex in the shower (XD), and the only time they eat is when their sex involves kinky stuff: like strawberries, whipped cream, and chocolate syrup,etc! Yumm...


	10. Double Dates Part 1

A/N: Thanks for the reviews! They mean so much to me! I love you all! Please enjoy this chapter.

Warnings: Shounen-ai (boyxboy love) het and first attempt at humor. Not to mention OOCness and swearing.

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

Summary:** Sasuke and Naruto recall some of the previous double dates they have shared with their friends. The dates were, as you should all know, quite humorus.**

Pairings: (X)SasukexNaruto

(X)ShikamaruxTemari

LeexGaara

KibaxHinata

NejixNaruto (one-sided)

(X)KakashixIruka

Please don't hate me (or flame me) if you don't like the pairings.

* * *

Chapter 10: Double Dates Part 1 

* * *

Our two favorite boys could be found in the Uchiha Manor, sitting on a dark-colored plush couch in the enormous living room. The television was off and there was a calm, serene silence. Naruto sat on his boyfriend's lap snuggling up to his chest, while Sasuke wrapped his arms possessively around the kitsune, his chin resting atop the Kyuubi-vessel's blond mop of hair.

"...Sasuke...?"

"Hn?"

"...You awake?"

"Yeah..."

"Ya' wanna talk?..."

"About what?"

"Stuff..."

"Like...?"

"Us?"

"What about 'us'?"

"I'm lucky..."

"Why?"

"To have you..."

"I hope you realize that you are seriously pushing the sappy-scale in our relationship."

"Jerk."

"Usuratonkatchi."

"Baka."

"Dobe."

"Asshole."

"I love you."

Naruto laughed. Sasuke probably just wanted to stop the fight early before it escalated and somehow resulted in them not having any sex that night.

"Love you too, teme."

Sasuke chuckled and kissed the blond on the cheek.

"But seriously Sasuke...I'm really glad I have you. Remember all those double dates we went on with our friends?-" Sasuke shuddered. "-I'm just glad I don't have a partner like them..."

"Kami, Naruto...Me too.." Sasuke whispered.

Naruto and Sasuke then recalled their date with Shikamaru and Temari...

* * *

**/Double Date with Shikamaru and Temari/**

* * *

"Wow Shikamaru! You have a really nice house!" Naruto beamed.

The two couples decided to eat dinner at Shikamaru's house because--

"It would have been too troublesome to go anywhere else..." the lazy boy muttered.

"When do we eat?" Sasuke asked impatiently.

"Dinner's coming right up!" Temari yelled from her post in the kitchen.

"Yosh!" Naruto yelled and plopped his butt in a seat on the left side of the dinner table. He grabbed his forks and banged them on the table while shouting: "Dinner! Dinner! Dinner!"

Shikamaru closed his eyes and used his thumb and forefinger to rub at his temples. "Is he always this troublesome?" Shikamaru asked wearily to the Uchiha.

But Sasuke was paying him no heed as he watched his blond bounce and yell energetically (1). _Aww...he's so **kawaii**!_ the Uchiha thought happily.

Temari then came into the dining room, balancing four plates of steaming hot food on her two arms.

"Fuweeen...-! Dinner is here! It smells so good Temari-san!" Naruto exclaimed.

"Mmmm...Looks delicious, love.." Shikamaru whispered in her ear, but the Sand-nin had a feeling he wasn't talking about dinner...

"Thanks, Shika-chan-" at this Naruto chuckled: _Haha...Shika-chan! _"-Here you go." She said placing dinner in front of the three men.

All males in the room began to eat furiously (Sasuke, not as much). The food was delicious. In Naruto's opinion it was almost as good as ramen...almost.

"Temari?" Shikamaru's dull voice rang out in the silent room (take away the munching and sounds of contentment), "This is delicious. Did you buy different ingredients from the grocery store when you left this morning?"

Temari beamed, glad that her boyfriend recognized a difference in her cooking. _He's so observant!_

"Well actually, you won't believe what happened to me on my way to the grocery store! I was on my way to the market, when I saw the dead rotted body of a poor opossum. I couldn't just leave the road-kill there in the street, even though it looked like it had been rotting away for days... so I took it with me, planning to bury it later or _something_. Well, after finding a bag to store it in, I went to the market, only to discover it was close. I just shrugged and came back home... I never did get a chance to bury that opossum... but it did go to _good_ use."

Shikamaru and Sasuke stared at the fan-weilding woman in shock.

O.o - was the only way you could descibe the two of their expressions at that moment.

They both looked down at the 'meat' that was served to them.

Yet of course, Naruto, who was blissfilly oblivious to the obvious innendous, continued to eat merrily yet said in a saddened tone, "Poor opossum..."

Sasuke kicked Naruto under the table hard in the shins, abruptly stopping the blond's consumation of the now labeled 'Mystery Meat'. He promised to explain the situation to the younger boy later...

"Um...T-Temari?" Shikamaru looked towards his girlfriend, shock oh-so evident on his face. "If you didn't buy any groceries, and you didn't bury the opossum...what are we _eating_?"

Temari stared at the three men for awhile, a look of utter nervousness spreading over her features.

"Ah...um...er...Just something I found... in the back of the freezer!" she laughed awkwardly.

But when the three boys attempted to make an exit from their the dining table, Temari barked, "Now eat your dinner!"

* * *

"Yeah, that was...that was..." Naruto searched for the words... 

"Nasty!" Sasuke interjected, internally squirming at the memory.

"Hmph! But not as bad as..."

* * *

**/Double Date with Kakashi and Iruka/**

* * *

The four men (consisting of two students and two teachers), decided to share a date at a new restuaraunt that opened up in the lower parts of Konoha. The dinner was actually going quite well. Naruto and Iruka were talking animatedly, Sasuke was eating quietly, and Kakashi was openly leering at Iruka.

"Ewww! Kakashi-sensei! Stop staring at Iruka-sensei down_ there_!" Naruto shouted in disgust, glaring at the Jounin.

"Eh?" Kakashi asked oh-so innocently as he suddenly had his Icha Icha in hand, and seemed to be doing nothing else but reading it.

"Naruto! What are you talking about? Kakashi's not staring at me?" Iruka looked at the blond in puzzlement.

"But!...ah...nevermind..." Naruto said returning to his food.

The dinner went on as Iruka bended over his chair to reach for his napkin that _mysteriously_ fell to the floor.

Kakashi abruptly stopped reading his Icha Icha to lift his forehead protector, showing his single Sharingan eye, and taking a mental image to save for later...

He then took Iruka by the hips and placed him back on his seat.

"Fuweeen...-! Kakashi-sensei you pervert!"

"What is it now, dobe?" Sasuke uttered wearily.

"Stupid Sasuke-teme! Didn't you see what Kakashi-sensei did to Iruka-sensei?" the blond yelled heatedly

"Helped him off the floor?"

"Ugh...no he...he..." Naruto blushed.

"Uh huh..." Sasuke said disbelievingly and returned to his food.

_Naruto takes a break off of ramen for a few days and look at him now..._Sasuke thought.

Naruto turned to glare at his sensei, but the man mearly winked (or did he blink?) and continued to silently slurp his soup and take quick glances at his Icha Icha._Waaaaan! I feel like crying! How come no one will believe me! Not even my boyfriend! Everyone knows what a pervert he is, so how come they think _I'm _the liar! I bet they think I'm nothing but a stupid kid! Dumb adults! And their dumb Icha books! Think they're so great...Hmph!_

Naruto pushed his plate away, crossed his arms over his chest, and pouted.

Sasuke and Iruka stared at Naruto in annoyment while Kakashi chuckled.

"What are you laughing about you stupid jerk!" Naruto yelled pointing to Kakashi's face.

"Why Naruto, is that anyway to talk to your beloved sensei?"

"You want to rape Iruka-sensei, ecchi hentai!"

"Naruto! That's extremely rude of you to say to Kakashi-sensei! Apologize righ-"

"No my dear Iruka-koi. Naruto-chan is right." Kakashi interjected sadly.

"W-What? You w-wanna rape m-me?" Iruka asked fearfully.

"I love you, Iruka! And I always will! I want to spend the rest of my life with you...if you'd let me. So that is why I'm asking you, and only you--"

Kakashi got down on one knee, Naruto gagged.

"--My dear Iruka would you mind--" Pause. "accompanying me to the Twenty-Third Annual Icha Icha Paradise Yaoi/Shounen-Ai Comic Convention?"

Silence.

"What?" Iruka said astonished.

"Would you mind accompanying me to the Twen-" Kakashi was ready to repeat.

"Yeah, yeah...Okay Kaka-kun!"

"YOSH!" Kakashi yelled, pumping his fist into the air, and receiving lots of attention from other customers.

Goodness, he must have been spending too much time with Gai... Iruka thought distressingly.

"Let's go, Iru-chan!" Kakashi cheered, grabbing the tanned Chuunin and dragging him out of the restaurant.

Naruto pouted...again.

"Sasu-chan...let's go home. I'm tired. Kakashi-sensei irritates me. Iruka-sensei might be getting raped. And will you cuddle with me?"

"Ah, sure Naru-chan. Come on, let's go." Sasuke said, standing up.

"Yea!" Naruto hugged his boyfriend and exited the restaurant in a flash.

As Sasuke was about to take his leave as well he noticed that in his hurry, Kakashi managed to drop his precious Icha Icha comic.

Making sure no one was looking and blushing slightly, Sasuke picked the book up carefully from the floor.

He looked at the page to where his teacher was previously reading and gaped in horror.

He was expecting naughty pictures, youth-corrupting stories-- but not this...

How to: Icha Icha Style! Entertain Yourself on Boring Double Dates!

You and Your Date-Date No.1

The Accompanying Date-Date No. 2

1. Find a target from Date No. 2; perferably the dumber one.

2. Make the target paranoid --use whatever methods you see fit; most commonly perverted ones.

3. If you have done step 2 correctly, your date and your target's date should feel as though the target is slightly off their rocker.

4. If you opt for it, use this time to confess your undying love for your date. Use their currently mushy feelings to convince them to agree to a situation which they wouldn't normally correspond with otherwise.

5. Go home to do it Icha Icha-style; abandon the second date-- don't. look. back.

6. Make sure Date No. 2 is left to pay.

Grrr...Kakashi-sensei!

Sasuke looked down at the table, his Sharingan blaring to life. And there, as expected, was a large white check.

* * *

"Stupid Kakashi!" Sasuke said, enraged at the memory. 

"I told you." Naruto said, examining his fingernails.

"Playing us like that!"

"I told you."

"Can you believe him!"

"I told you."

"Shut up, Naruto."

* * *

(1) If that sounded perverted, it wasn't supposed to.

* * *

A/N: That's Part 1. I know I said this would stop at ten chapters but my idea is too long for one chapter alone. So expect chapter 11 and part two soon, because I'm not done yet!


	11. Double Dates Part 2

A/N: Thanks for the reviews! I have much more than I expected to at the beginning of this story.

Warnings: Shounen-ai (boyxboy love) het and first attempt at humor. Not to mention OOCness and swearing.

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

Summary:** Sasuke and Naruto recall some of the previous double dates they have shared with their friends. The dates were, as you should all know, quite humorus.**

Pairings: (X)SasukexNaruto

ShikamaruxTemari

(X)LeexGaara

(X)KibaxHinata

(X)NejixNaruto (one-sided)

KakashixIruka

**Please don't hate me (or flame me) if you don't like the pairings.**

* * *

Chapter 10: Double Dates Part 2

* * *

"Ah, Naruto? Remember our date with Kiba and Hinata...?" Sasuke asked slyly.

"Ugh...Don't remind me..." Naruto said, putting his head down in despair.

"Hn...no? I remember it like it was yesterday..."

**

* * *

****/Double Date with Kiba and Hinata/

* * *

**

"Wow! What a great restaurant selection, you guys!" the blond looked around in astonishment.

"Thanks Naruto! Hinata picked it out." Kiba stated, nodding proudly.

"Looks really expensive..." the young boy whispered in awe.

"Yeah," Kiba nudged Naruto and whispered in his ear, "so lucky we have some loaded _companions_, eh?" He laughed nodding to the Hyuuga heiress and the last Uchiha heir.

"Hehe..." Naruto chuckled and gave the inu-lover a thumbs up sign. "Score!"

There victory was short lived when they reached the desk to confirm their reservations. A tall lady with a thin-lipped smile, dark hair tied into a tight bun, and skinny wire-rimmed glasses greeted them.

"Hello. I am the manager of this restaurant, Golden Coast. My name is Izanami Suzuki (1). When I heard of our special guests that were arriving this evening," she smiled at the group, "I made sure I picked out the best just for you. I hope you will enjoy our beautiful window view and our utmost satisfactory dishes. Only the best for the last Uchiha heir, the beautiful Hyuuga heiress, and the powerful Inuzuka clan member." she smiled.

Naruto, feeling left out, decided to_ cough _into his hand to get her attention. Maybe she skipped him because he was so short she could barely see his blond mop of hair over the desk.

But she looked down upon him, forced a smile, and continued with her speech.

"Now please tell me if there is anyth-" she stopped when she received a cold glare from the Uchiha because of her lack of acknowledgment towards his boyfriend. She seemed flustered a bit but quickly responded, "And oh d-dear- how c-could I forget Naruto U-Uzamaki the future Ho-Hokage of the Leaf v-village." she said blushing and reciting the blond's common speech of his future goal of being the Leaf's future Kage. She looked at the Uchiha for approval.

He nodded curtly.

Naruto beamed. _He knew she wasn't ignoring him! _"Yup, that's me! Naruto Uzamaki! The next Hokage!"

"Right..." she sighed and showed them to their table.

The view was beautiful, the food delicious, and the conversation was actually going quite well, until...

"Oooh...I don't feel so good. I'll go to the bathroom and catch up with you three later." Kiba stated rubbing his stomach.

Hinata looked worried. "O-okay Kiba. B-Be careful."

"Hinata. It's just the bathroom." Kiba said exasperated with her constant worrying.

"I-I k-k-know, but..."

"Hahaha!" Naruto burst out laughing then began singing, "Diiiii-arrhea! Diarrhea! Diarrhea! Diarrheaaaaaa-ouch!" Naruto rubbed the back of his head from where Sasuke previously smacked him.

"Usuratonkatchi."

"Stupid teme."

So the three waited in silence for there tummy-bothered friend to return from the restroom.

---30 minutes later---

"Ah..." Kiba sighed. "I feel much better now."

He washed his hands thoroughly and took one last look at the bathroom.

_**OH. MY. GOD!**_

Oh no! They're going to make me pay for repairs, though I shouldn't have to! It's their food and their crappy chefs that started all this in the first place!

I need to leave before someone walks in...better yet, I need to find...

_A patsy. _(2)

----

The three shinobi finished their meals and waited patiently for Kiba to return...well, all except one.

"Diiiii-arrhea... Diarrhea... Diarrhea... Diarrheaaaaaa..." Naruto sang unenthusiastically, playing a ninja battle with his eating utensils.

"Fork vs. Knife! Who will win and be titled: _The All-Supreme Silver Eating Utensil_!" Naruto stated in a deep announcer voice while clashing the silver objects together.

"Shut up, Naruto." Sasuke said curtly.

"Hmph." Naruto turned his head the other way and pouted.

Just as Sasuke began his naughty train of thoughts about the blond, the dog lover came running back to the table.

_Hmph...'bout time dog-breath..._Naruto thought, glaring at the panting brunette.

"Who wants to make 600¥ (3)?"

"Eh? What are you talking abo-wait! 600¥? _How_?" Naruto asked, suddenly interested.

"I need someone to take the fall..." Kiba said, looking hopefully around at all his friends, panic evident in his voice.

_"Oh my god..." _

The four shinobi looked towards the bathroom to hear Izanami Suzuki's astonished voice.

The three companions gave Kiba a_ 'What the fuck ?' _look.

"What did you do?" Sasuke asked cautiously.

"I can't tell you. Yes or no. No questions asked." Kiba said firmly.

_"Oh! My! God!"_

Suzuki's voice again, this time it lost all it's professional tone as she screamed in distress and anger. Customers turned their attention to the bathroom, looking curiously but afraid to go near the confinements, in fear of the manager's wrath.

Hinata looked horrified. Sasuke looked disgusted. And Naruto...well, he looked downright curious.

"Make it 1,200 (4)." Naruto stated, scared yet at the same time oh-so curious to see what Kiba did. He was already on the **I Hate You **list of the villagers. One more prank couldn't hurt.

_If only he knew how wrong he was..._

"Done." Kiba stated quickly and turned towards the bathroom.

_"Ohhhhhhh! Myyyyyy! Godddddddddd!"_

Suzuki screeched, sounding as if she was thrown into the pits of hell.

Just as Naruto was about to draw back and reconsider his situation (like a normal person would)...

Kiba put his hands on Naruto's shoulders and looked him in the eye. "You're a good friend."

He then lifted Naruto by the collar of his shirt and hauled him towards the bathroom, shouting, "I got him! I got him, Izanami-san! Izanami-san! But go easy on the poor boy would ya? Bye!"

And after dropping Naruto off at the demolished bathroom and quickly slipping a 1,200¥ into the blond's back pocket, he quickly ran back to the table, grabbed Hinata's hand, and left the restaurant without glancing back.

* * *

"So. Not. Worth. It." Naruto said blankly. But his words went unnoticed to the currently laughing-his-ass-off-Uchiha. 

"But Neji's date was quite...strange..."

At the name of the white-eyed boy, Sasuke immediatley stopped giggling and began to growl as he recalled the 'double date.'

"Hn...I rememeber that 'date'. Fairly short." Sasuke sneered.

* * *

**/Kinda-Sorta Double Date With Neji Hyuuga/**

* * *

"Hey Neji!" Naruto called out, waving to the Hyuuga. "Where's your date?" he asked inquisitively. 

"Date? Oh um...she..um..er...died!" Neji smiled. "Yeah, she was accidently killed on her way here. Poor thing..."

Sasuke gave Neji his famous 'WTF?' glare. That has to be the shittiest lie he ever heard-

"Oh my gosh, Neji! I'm so sorry!" Nauto went up to the Hyuuga and gave him a tight hug. "How tragic. And through it all you still decided to come. You're so brave Ne-chan!" Neji was blushing twenty shades of red and hit a new world-record of crimson with the new name his blond had jut given him.

He saw the Uchiha glaring at him heatedly.

"Yeah. But y'know I think it would be appropriate to mourn over her death...over _ramen_...at my house." (5)

"Come on, Naruto!" Sasuke yelled and dragged a kicking and screaming Kyuubi-vessel back to the Uchiha Manor.

* * *

Sasuke was glaring heatedly at a coffee mug on the table. Naruto could have sworn on his life that he saw the poor cup tremble. 

To distract his lover from his murderous thoughts on the Hyuuga, Naruto quirked, "Remember our date with Fuzzy Brows and No Brows?" Naruto giggled.

"Yeah...that one was...bloody." Sasuke shuddered.

"Tell me about it. Remind me to never joke with the Kazekage again..."

* * *

**/Double Date with Rock Lee and Sabaku No Gaara/**

* * *

"Hey Bushy Brows! What's up Gaara-_sama_!" Naruto greeted the two, stressing the suffix on the Kazekage's name just to annoy him. 

Gaara gave a nod to both Naruto and Sasuke, glaring slightly yet playfully at the blond.

Naruto grinned and Sasuke returned the polite nod when Lee burst out.

"Oh! What a great idea it was of my youthful mind to have such a wondrous picnic to celebrate our youth! Do you not think so Gaara-koi?"

"Yeah...sure..." Gaara muttered taking in the sickly sweet atmosphere of sunshine, sakura petals, green dewy grass, and the rainbow glittering in the cloudless sky.

"Why a picnic?" Sasuke asked, seeming as unnerved as Gaara in the all-too-happy situation.

"Why Sasuke-san? Because the green grass reminds me of the unlimited power of youth and the air is fresh with all that is young and carefree! The sakura petals bloom with love and the butterflies dance to--"

"Okay, can we eat?" Naruto asked annoyed and impatient. The others nodded their agreement.

"Why of course, Naruto-san!" Lee cheered and set the straw basket down as well as the blanket and began to pull out the food.

"Ah...cheese, croissants, ham, crackers, mayonnaise, chicken, ketchup, soda, ramen (for Naruto-san), and sa- uh oh."

"What do you mean 'uh oh'?" Gaara questioned, glaring lightly at his lover.

"Ah hehe...I forgot the salami..."

"So? Let's eat!" Naruto chirped.

Sasuke agreed and the couple reached for the food when Lee with his super-quick speed slapped their hands away.

"What do you mean 'So?' Naruto-san? Everyone knows a Picnic of Youth is not a Picnic of Youth until The Salami of Eternal Youth is served!"

"The Salami of Eternal Youth?" the three questioned.

"Of course. Gaara would you mind...-"

"No."

"But Gaara...-"

"No."

"Gaara!"

"No."

"_Kazekage-sama_!"

"No."

"Please."

"No."

"You're not letting me finish tal-"

"No."

"Damnit Gaara! We need the Salami of Eternal Youth! Please go to the store that is only_ one _block away and get the freakin' Salami of EternalYouth!"

"Umm...No."

"_Rawwr_!"

Sasuke and Naruto watched in mute fascination as the one-sided fight between Gaara and Lee continued.

"Fine!" Gaara shouted.

"Thank you, Gaara-**sama**! Once you taste it, it will definitely be worth it!"

"Hn."

Gaara walked away muttering about 'stupid Salami of Youth' and 'how he better be getting nookie tonight...'

The three men sighed and conversed as they waited for the red-headed Suna Kage to return.

--------

Gaara walked out of the market, a bag of salami in hand. The streets were empty and as thoughts of salami and eyebrows plagued his mind, he didn't notice where he was going and tripped flat on his face.

Blushing vividly, he quickly got up, brushed off his clothes and checked to see if anyone noticed his momentary lapse of gracefulness.

There in the alley were five men, roughly in their mid-twenties laughing their asses off at the Kazekage who tripped on his face. Save one teenage boy, probably only sixteen years old, looked scared shitless and didn't utter a peep. Wise one, he was.

Gaara sharply turned into the alleyway giving the men a glare that promised death. Compared to this glare, Sasuke's famous Uchiha death glare seemed like a teary pout.

Even though the men probably pissed themselves out of fear, they couldn't stop laughing.

Gaara decided to take care of them now before word spread around. He couldn't very well have news of his clumsiness getting out, now could he?

--------

"Hm...do any of you know what could be taking Gaara so long?" Lee asked.

Sasuke shook his head and Naruto shrugged his shoulders and glared at Lee when his stomach gave yet another painful lurch and loud grumble.

"Dammit Lee! I'm hungry! Let's eat! I don't need salami, much less The Salami of Eternal Youth!" Naruto shouted.

"Who told you of such a thing as The Salami of Youth, anyway?" Sasuke wondered.

"Why Gai-sensei, of course." Lee beamed.

"Why salami?" Naruto wondered.

"Because it is the food of youth of course." Lee gave the couple a 'Nice Guy' pose.

"Hm...I would've thought it would have been broccoli or something..._green_." Sasuke shuddered.

"No! The youth do not like vegetables! It's only common knowledge.! One must eat meat to be strong! Vegetables are just conspiracies by the general public to force the youth to eat vegetables so the elderly and aliens shall be spared!"

Blink. Blink.

Blink. Blink.

"Riiiight..." the lovers muttered.

"Well, let's go look for Gaara-koi shall we?" Lee suggested, and the three were off in search of the sand-manipulating nin.

--------

Gaara wiped his hands free of the crimson blood. He didn't kill the men, for fear of starting a war, but they're pretty bruised up if moans of pain and if their praying for death was any indication.

The Kage turned to the unscathed yet scared for life sixteen year old boy.

"What's your name, kid?" Gaara asked gruffly, still unsuccessfully trying to remove the crimson from his expensive clothes.

"H-H-Hisao (6), sir..." the boy whispered fearfully, trembling with fear.

"Oh, Hisao. Hello. Well, I'm glad you aren't as dim-witted as your friends over here," he gestured to the pile of heavily-wounded men, "you're wise and cowardly. I like you."

Hisao looked at the red-head in shock.

"Here ya go, Hisao..." Gaara fumbled through his pockets yet pulled out a silver rectangle. "Do you want some gum? It's Winterfresh and sugar-free!" He gestured the token of kindness to the boy.

If you see a blood-splattered, eyebrow-less, heavy mascara-wearing, psycho-on-crack looking teen offering you a stick of gum after demolishing five men, one of them being your elder brother, without hesitance or remorse, you'd be scarred for life too.

Hisao hesitantly took the offered gum with violently trembling fingers and nodded a thank you.

Gaara patted the boy on the head and began to walk out of the alley, when he suddenly turned around, a mad gleam in his eye. He faced the boy, sand swirling dementedly behind him.

"But y'know," Gaara began, "you didn't say 'bless you' when I sneezed..."

As the sand slowly wrapped themselves around Hisao, ready to perform Desert Coffin, Gaara's concentration was cut short but cries of his name.

"Gaara! Gaara! Gaara-koi, did you get the salami?"

The aforementioned man, dropped his prey and turned towards him again.

"You are **_so_** lucky. **_So lucky_**." he hissed at the young boy with very wet pants.

Lee, Sasuke and Naruto gaped at the scene in front of them when they reached the alleyway. Well probably not Lee, as he passed the wounded men and frightened boy as well as Gaara. He picked up the grocery bag to which contained the oh-so precious Salami of Eternal Youth, pulled out the lodge of meat and frowned.

"Gaaaaaraaaa!" Lee whined.

"What?" the gourd-wielder asked in obvious annoyance.

"You were supposed to get the Smoked Meat Salami of Eternal Youth not the Pepperoni Salami of Eternal Youth!" Lee stated matter-of-factly as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"GRRRRRRR!"

* * *

"Poor Gaara..." Naruto muttered. 

"Poor him! Poor me! I didn't get to eat and at least sand-boy got to take his anger out on someone!" Sasuke complained.

"D'ya wanna cwuudle Swasuke-swama?" Naruto added the superior suffix to his lover's name using his famous '_undeniable uke_ pout' for emphasis.

"Ywes Pwease..." Sasuke pulled the kitsune closer to himself and sighed.

Moments like these made it all worthwhile.

* * *

(1) Izanami is the Japanese myth name of the wife of Izanagi meaning "female who invites," I have no idea what Suzuki means. 

(2) A patsy is someone who takes the blame.

(3) 600¥ is roughly equivalent to $5.00

(4)1,200¥ is roughly equivalent to $10.00

(5) If you don't know the ramen I'm talking about, refer back to **Chapter 9: Aphrodisiac**. Yes my friends, _that_ ramen.

(6) Hisao is the Japanese name meaning for "long-lived man." Hehe...I'm good with the irony. xD

* * *

And because I love you all... 

I'm hearing that those '**rulers**' in the document section aren't working, and for those who haven't figured it out yet - you can copy a ruler from a previous story and paste it to your documents section. A lot of stories have been missing the rulers and complaining about them so I wanted to help out to all those who might read this...

* * *

A/N: Eleven pages! A nice way to end the series, eh? 

Waaaan! It's over! T.T

I'm going to miss all my reviewers! I love you! -glomps-

If you didn't review any of the other chapters, this is your last chance. C'mon, please? I really want to know what you think!

I hoped you all enjoyed the series. Till another story...

-mik


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